Echo Park October

Wisconsin moments

In September, I was lucky enough to escape LA and spend some time in Wisconsin for my birthday. I had the best time ever, and that's putting it lightly. I hadn't been home in nearly a year and was delighted to discover that my home state is even quirkier than remembered.

September's Top 10 Most Wisconsin Moments 

10. An evening at The Old Fashioned
Madison's The Old Fashioned prides itself on its uniquely Wisconsin vibe - and it delivers every time. I ordered the walleye sandwich, deep fried cheese curds and a couple of brandy Old Fashioneds. By the end of the night my liver heart had swelled with enough state pride that I was ready get a Wisconsin tattoo and/or buy a t-shirt advertising summer sausage.

9. Textbook autumn weather
Perfect weather, changing leaves and that inimitable crisp autumn air. There's just no place more wonderful than Wisconsin in fall.

8. Publicly intoxicated octogenarians
At a Menomonie supper club for my birthday, my group was treated to dinner AND a show. From our booth, we had a perfect view of a trio of ladies (ages 75-85), ordering drink after drink at the bar. We watched with increasing joy as the ol' biddies began cackling loudly, gossiping about their marriages ("I been married 40 years...too long!"), celebrating recent surgeries and, finally, breaking glassware.

**No photo available to protect the old and sloshed.

7. This giant mouse
My great-grandma used to have a salt and pepper shaker of the same shape.

What...even?!

6. Drivin' truck
Grandma Trixie lent me her pickup truck to use around town. Enough said.

My steed.

5. Supper club decor
Speaking of pickups, truck tailgates appear to be having a moment at the Wisconsin supper club in 2012 - as do cowboy-hatted patrons (and piranhas, but that belongs on a different list altogether).

4. Eating no vegetables
I can count the veggies I ate over my 10-day trip on one hand. Or more accurately, one finger. (Hint: potato).

The famous Plaza Burger; buckeyes; fried cheese curds

3. Wisconsin rush hour
You'd be surprised how much tractors and other various farm equipment can impede your progress between Boyceville, WI (pop. 1,086) and Menomonie, WI (pop. 16,264) at 5pm on a weekday.

2. Big Buck Hunter
Big Buck Hunter is a simulation hunting game available at all of the best local bars. I became very competitive - shooting bucks, moose and geese left and right. My confidence lasted until the bonus round where a especially pissed off bear came out of nowhere and ended me in one swipe.

Crushin' it.

1. Cheese factory heritage
At the end of my trip, it was obviously imperative I purchase $40 of cheese to tote back to LA. After presenting my credit card at the Cady Cheese Factory, I was met with an amazing question: "Are you related to the Greenways down the road?" Why yes. Yes I am. For you see, my family's cheese factory was a Cady Cheese competitor for decades. I am cheese royalty in Wilson, WI (pop. 176).

Part of my cheese bounty

September's Most LA Moment

1. $10 juice
Returning to LA, I was psyched to hit the local juice bar and detox from all of the carbs/cheese/desserts I consumed in Wisconsin... only to learn they now charge $10 for a small juice. By the time I realized what I was getting into, I was already handing over the cash. (I want to punch myself in the head, too). Mark my words, Silverlake Juice and Tea: I will never visit you again. Unless you drop your prices. Then I'll be back. That juice was fucking great.

Such promise. Such letdown.

Celeb sightings: LA vs Menomonie

I brake for Top 40

On my daily jaunt up the 101 this morning, I turned the radio on to Maroon 5's song "Payphone." Ughh, why can't they play Maroon 5's NEW song? This one's four months old! I thought, highly irritated. You're better than this, KIIS-FM. And I deserve better.

I immediately flipped the dial to LA's competing Top 40 station - and I was met with the chorus of Maroon 5's new song "One More Night." Imagine that! I'm not sure what pleased me more: the serendipity of the moment or Adam Levine's angelic "oooh oooh oooh" vocalizations (listen for yourself below).

It's impossible to deny and even harder to fathom: Los Angeles has turned me into a Top 40 fanatic. And with thoughts like "Ryan Seacrest is quite an impressive businessman. The guy knows how to hustle!" and "Justin Bieber really is poised to become the next Justin Timberlake" pervasive inside my brain, I don't recognize me either.

Get back to work, Seacrest. I'm relying on you.

I used to be one of those people who never listened to the radio, on principle. I was too good for Top 40 - actively seeking out newer and hipper bands, going to shows and usually buying the ironic t-shirt. Today, I'm simply too damn lazy to do anything but let Tattoo and Cece (KDAY - radio dial spot #2), Ryan Seacrest (KIIS-FM - radio dial spot #3), Carson Daly (AMP Radio - radio dial spot #4) and Big Boy (Power 106 - radio dial spot #5) create my musical menu.

A friend with a long commute recently told me that he likes to listen to NPR on his multi-hour drive home. Oh yeah, totally. Me too! I said. Full disclosure: bald-faced lie. While LA's NPR station does occupy radio dial spot #1 (thanks to some overoptimistic programming by DJ-KG), I usually only tune in when all of the other stations are on commercial. Call me blissfully ignorant, but I'd rather spend my commute singing along with Demi Lovato instead of developing an ulcer while contemplating a Romney/Ryan presidency.

These days, I have come to love almost everything my favorite DJs feed me. With the exception of a handful of songs that I absolutely refuse to listen to ("Payphone" used to be on this list, but times have changed my friends), I have my favorite station's playlists committed to memory. Beyonce? Always. Trey Songz featuring T.I.? Exactly what I was hoping for. Katy Perry? You just get me. Taylor Swift? Sure, I'll listen to that crap again. Chris Brown? Sorry, I still can't do it.

I choose to blame my newfound fondness for 2 Chainz and Ellie Goulding on LA's car culture. In this city, your car is your sanctuary. It's where you spend hours alone, idling on the freeway and waiting for the freakin' left turn arrow. It's where you eat meals, call your mama (illegally) and get completely, utterly, discouragingly lost. Sometimes it's even where you cry. And if you ask me, the aggressive familiarity of Top 40 radio provides the perfect background music for any and all of the above.

Santa Monica Cat Show: cat lady mecca

Lovin' us some farm cats

When I was five, my favorite thing in the world was visiting my grandparents and uncles at their farm and searching for the newest litter of kittens. Never mind that 80% of these kittens had distemper, drippy eyes and/or ear mites - I loved them fully and once attempted to smuggle a particularly cute kitten out of Spring Valley in our candy apple red minivan. If only it hadn't wriggled so much under my coat!

My passion for cats has only grown stronger since that day. Nearly 20 years later, I am a certifiable Cat Lady. And if there is any journey a Cat Lady must make, it is to mecca: The Santa Monica Cat Show.

I have been waiting for this event for literally more than a year - I missed 2011's cat show due to a wedding, which I guesssss took precedence. This year, nothing would stand in my way. I scheduled my upcoming Wisconsin trip around the show. I kept my weekend clear in case I wanted to attend both days. And all that planning paid off - as hoped, the Cat Show delivered.


THE BEGINNING

In line to buy our sweet, sweet tickets, I felt like Kristen Bell faced with an imminent sloth encounter. Or for the uninitiated, I was so excited I could barely handle my emotions. So many feelings, so much anticipation. Would the show live up to my expectations? (Duh.) I think Nick was a little worried by my mental state, but I'm pretty sure he was secretly just as psyched.

Once inside, I was struck by the sheer number of people at the expo center. It was PACKED. With MY PEOPLE! And more than 300 CATS! Maybe Excited Train Guy New York describes it best: "I've been waiting for this moment for months, and it's FINALLY HERE!" 

CAT JUDGING

Large crowds on opening day!

There are two main activities at a cat show: walking through the holding area where cats snooze in decked-out cages and owners chat/eat/groom/boast, and watching the judging at a number of "rings" (basically tables surrounded by folding chairs for the audience). An announcer calls each cat to the ring via loudspeaker, so announcements like "Siamese kitten #8 to Ring 3, please" were in the background the entire day.

To the untrained eye, the actual judging of the cats seems completely arbitrary (and according to one entrant, it is). The judge picks up a cat, moves it around, wiggles a feather in front of its face, picks it up, moves it around again, and puts it back in a cage. It all takes about a minute and is very, very adorable.

My cat show literature

A new Cat Lady friend informed me that anyone can enter their housecat for judging in the show. She handed me a pamphlet that confirmed this as true - as long as your shelter cat has all its shots and is relatively laid-back, it too could be a champion. The housecat judging ring traditionally has the loudest audiences, who call out and clap raucously for each contender. It's a full-on cat party in the USA, guys.

During judging, audiences seemed to most enjoy:

• Kittens playing with each other through the cages
• Cats freaking out and meowing loudly
• An elderly male judge kissing a particularly cute kitten on the head
• Cats batting the crap out of the feathers the judges waved at their heads
• Any Siamese cat. For some reason they have a huge fanbase.

TAKE A KITTEN HOME WITH YA, WHY DONTCHA?

Danger.

These cat show people were pushing kittens, HARD. There were kittens for adoption and sale everywhere you turned. Frankly, it's a miracle I was able to leave the expo solo.

I spent "some" time in the Cat Adoptions area, where I spoke with a lovely lady named Sheila about my future dreams of growing my cat family. It's true - Henry needs a friend. Sheila listened with interest, and quickly shoved an adult cat named Latte into my arms.

"This is Latte! Latte would be just perfect!"

Latte didn't agree. Latte tried to bolt. I think Latte wanted to GTFO of the cat show entirely - and he wasn't the only one. The adoptable cats are not used to being held and watched all day (the show cats are trained from birth to be comfortable around people) and were understandably overwhelmed a few hours into day one.

The cat adoption coordinator couldn't mask her annoyance at the children who kept greedily grabbing into the cages. At one point, I had no choice (okay, I felt a calling) but to step in with a firm, "I don't think the kitty likes that" when I saw a little girl forcibly dragging a kitten out of its cage by its back legs. Little girl, WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS?!!**

**This is the closet I came to devolving into the true Crazy Cat Lady stereotype


FINAL RUMINATIONS

A little cat humor

• I was too overwhelmed and busy to take in any real information about cat breeds and show protocol
• The entire experience was much more laid back and informal than the dog show I attended in 2009
• I can speak fluent "Cat Lady" at will
• Cat breeders fucking love it when you compliment their cats. Power words include: Gorgeous, breathtaking, magnificent, outstanding. 
• Some show cats "retire" from the circuit to become therapy cats at nursing homes or hospitals
• Cat show entrants and breeders all have business cards and websites - niche market business idea?
• Cat breeders don't name the for-sale kittens so they don't get too attached
• I have seen my future, and it's the best.

Kittens playing between their cages during the judging

The adoptable kitten that nearly won my heart

I'm the first to admit, some cats are (much) cuter than others.

Mr. Bigglesworth was able to attend

Hey PETA! This cat is fed a diet of raw meat! 

This is a $600 kitten. Of course, those prices aren't listed.

Tonkinese cats and their stuffed brethren

Smushyface cat (obviously I don't remember the breed) iz not amused

American Shorthair kittens straight chillin' in their litterbox

Atticus, a champion Ragdoll cat - check out his owner's website here!

This judge LOVES kittens, and his life.