Monday, August 27, 2012

Santa Monica Cat Show: cat lady mecca

Lovin' us some farm cats
When I was five, my favorite thing in the world was visiting my grandparents and uncles at their farm and searching for the newest litter of kittens. Never mind that 80% of these kittens had distemper, drippy eyes and/or ear mites - I loved them fully and once attempted to smuggle a particularly cute kitten out of Spring Valley in our candy apple red minivan. If only it hadn't wriggled so much under my coat!

My passion for cats has only grown stronger since that day. Nearly 20 years later, I am a certifiable Cat Lady. And if there is any journey a Cat Lady must make, it is to mecca: The Santa Monica Cat Show.

I have been waiting for this event for literally more than a year - I missed 2011's cat show due to a wedding, which I guesssss took precedence. This year, nothing would stand in my way. I scheduled my upcoming Wisconsin trip around the show. I kept my weekend clear in case I wanted to attend both days. And all that planning paid off - as hoped, the Cat Show delivered.


THE BEGINNING

In line to buy our sweet, sweet tickets, I felt like Kristen Bell faced with an imminent sloth encounter. Or for the uninitiated, I was so excited I could barely handle my emotions. So many feelings, so much anticipation. Would the show live up to my expectations? (Duh.) I think Nick was a little worried by my mental state, but I'm pretty sure he was secretly just as psyched.

Once inside, I was struck by the sheer number of people at the expo center. It was PACKED. With MY PEOPLE! And more than 300 CATS! Maybe Excited Train Guy New York describes it best: "I've been waiting for this moment for months, and it's FINALLY HERE!" 

CAT JUDGING
Large crowds on opening day!
There are two main activities at a cat show: walking through the holding area where cats snooze in decked-out cages and owners chat/eat/groom/boast, and watching the judging at a number of "rings" (basically tables surrounded by folding chairs for the audience). An announcer calls each cat to the ring via loudspeaker, so announcements like "Siamese kitten #8 to Ring 3, please" were in the background the entire day.

To the untrained eye, the actual judging of the cats seems completely arbitrary (and according to one entrant, it is). The judge picks up a cat, moves it around, wiggles a feather in front of its face, picks it up, moves it around again, and puts it back in a cage. It all takes about a minute and is very, very adorable.

My cat show literature
A new Cat Lady friend informed me that anyone can enter their housecat for judging in the show. She handed me a pamphlet that confirmed this as true - as long as your shelter cat has all its shots and is relatively laid-back, it too could be a champion. The housecat judging ring traditionally has the loudest audiences, who call out and clap raucously for each contender. It's a full-on cat party in the USA, guys.

During judging, audiences seemed to most enjoy:

  • Kittens playing with each other through the cages
  • Cats freaking out and meowing loudly
  • An elderly male judge kissing a particularly cute kitten on the head
  • Cats batting the crap out of the feathers the judges waved at their heads
  • Any Siamese cat. For some reason they have a huge fanbase.


TAKE A KITTEN HOME WITH YA, WHY DONTCHA?
Danger.
These cat show people were pushing kittens, HARD. There were kittens for adoption and sale everywhere you turned. Frankly, it's a miracle I was able to leave the expo solo.

I spent "some" time in the Cat Adoptions area, where I spoke with a lovely lady named Sheila about my future dreams of growing my cat family. It's true - Henry needs a friend. Sheila listened with interest, and quickly shoved an adult cat named Latte into my arms.

"This is Latte! Latte would be just perfect!"

Latte didn't agree. Latte tried to bolt. I think Latte wanted to GTFO of the cat show entirely - and he wasn't the only one. The adoptable cats are not used to being held and watched all day (the show cats are trained from birth to be comfortable around people) and were understandably overwhelmed a few hours into day one.

The cat adoption coordinator couldn't mask her annoyance at the children who kept greedily grabbing into the cages. At one point, I had no choice (okay, I felt a calling) but to step in with a firm, "I don't think the kitty likes that" when I saw a little girl forcibly dragging a kitten out of its cage by its back legs. Little girl, WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS?!!**

**This is the closet I came to devolving into the true Crazy Cat Lady stereotype


FINAL RUMINATIONS
A little cat humor
  • I was too overwhelmed and busy to take in any real information about cat breeds and show protocol
  • The entire experience was much more laid back and informal than the dog show I attended in 2009
  • I can speak fluent "Cat Lady" at will
  • Cat breeders fucking love it when you compliment their cats. Power words include: Gorgeous, breathtaking, magnificent, outstanding. 
  • Some show cats "retire" from the circuit to become therapy cats at nursing homes or hospitals
  • Cat show entrants and breeders all have business cards and websites - niche market business idea?
  • Cat breeders don't name the for-sale kittens so they don't get too attached
  • I have seen my future, and it's the best.

Kittens playing between their cages during the judging



The adoptable kitten that nearly won my heart



I'm the first to admit, some cats are (much) cuter than others.


Mr. Bigglesworth was able to attend


Hey PETA! This cat is fed a diet of raw meat! 


This is a $600 kitten. Of course, those prices aren't listed.


Tonkinese cats and their stuffed brethren


Smushyface cat (obviously I don't remember the breed) iz not amused



American Shorthair kittens straight chillin' in their litterbox


Atticus, a champion Ragdoll cat - check out his owner's website here!


This judge LOVES kittens, and his life.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

inadvertent absences

Sunset over what Aunt Kathy calls HOLLYWEIRD
Well hot damn, it's been almost a year since my last post. Sorry mom!

Maybe this will help to explain my inadvertent absence.

September 2011-August 2012: a timeline

- Started working at talent agency (mailroom)
- Self-diagnosed foot sprain
- Self-diagnosed I'm-a-total-loser complex
- Oh my god another food run?
- Got promoted at talent agency (agent's desk)
- I have no idea what I'm doing
- Staffing season at talent agency
- Self-diagnosed anxiety disorder
- Self-diagnosed crying at my desk syndrome (jk! okay, only twice)
- Self-diagnosed early onset Alzheimer's
- Self-diagnosed "actually, I kick ass" delusions of grandeur
- End of staffing season at talent agency
- Nick moved to LA
- Happiness?!?!
- Left job at the talent agency
- Started working for a comedy writer
- Self-diagnosed West Nile virus
- Intensifying neuroticism
- Attended cat show**, foresaw my future. As expected, it is 98% filled with cats.

**Check back on Monday for my account of this glorious event, which I'm convinced was organized by Our Heavenly Creator (of your choice).