an interpretation of (cat) maladies

In our 4+ years together, Henry has never given me much trouble. That is, until I moved him to LA and everything went terribly wrong. 

As this infographic proves, our fates and emotions have been tragically intertwined since April.

june/july/august in a very small nutshell

A few things that have happened lately.

I discovered $2 conveyor belt sushi. My life will never again be the same. Now I just have to convince my cousin Sierra to come back to LA and go take plate after plate with me again.

Wisconsin I went home for two glorious weeks in early August and it was everything I hoped it would be and more. I even got to "ush" in my high school best friend Amanda's wedding...and hang out with that guy on the left. I'm going back next month for my mama's wedding...good thing I signed up for a Delta Rewards Card!

Strawberry Stand 

the creepiest thing that's ever happened to me.

I strive to be a friendly person on a daily basis. I'll make small-talk with people in the check-out line, I look forward to learning about my airplane seat partners, and I've been known to compliment strangers on a particularly nice pair of shoes. It personalizes the daily routine and allows me to interact with humans instead of just my cat and NPR (I work from home).

I also get really excited when I see or meet people from Wisconsin. I just can't help feeling the sense of solidarity—when I encounter a former Badger, my thought process goes something like this: Wisconsin?! YOU MUST UNDERSTAND ME ON SOME DEEPER LEVEL. 

These two fun facts combined to really backfire on me a few months ago.

Running around doing errands in Santa Monica for my internship, the only thing on my mind was getting back and buying myself a coffee. Sitting at a stop (as we are wont to do in LA) I noticed a car ahead of me with a Wisconsin decal on the back window.

I'd seen Wisconsin cars in California before, and always tried to get a glimpse of the person inside. This time, I caught up to the Wisconsin car...and made what turned out to be my biggest mistake: I WAVED. The man inside looked surprised, but waved back. I smiled with the satisfaction that he would see my matching Badger decal as I drove past and we would share memories of cheese curds and New Glarus on an otherwise average day. I was wrong.

As I continued on my way, I noticed a car following my path. It couldn't be... I thought. But I kept my eyes on the rearview mirror. Two blocks later, I was certain: THE WISCONSIN MAN WAS FOLLOWING ME.

Sure enough, the car followed me all the way to my empty basement parking lot, and circled around while I lingered in my car to assess the danger of the situation. Being bold stupid, I decided to get out and make for the elevator. Wisconsin man walked up to me, intercepting my path, business card in hand. He's at least 40 years old. He tells me I'm "the prettiest Badger fan [he'd] ever seen," and he'd love to take me out for a drink sometime. I sort of laugh nervously, make a bit of small talk, and book it into the elevator as he drives off.

Hold up. WHO DOES THAT? Who in their right mind? At the very least, I would never get a drink with someone with such terrible judgment. He's lucky I didn't mace him in the face.

Pondering the situation later, I should have parked and waited somewhere on the street, tried to evade him somehow, or just stayed in my car and called security—but I froze. Funny thing is, this guy probably had no idea how terrifying his actions were. In his mind he was making some grand romantic gesture...a great story to tell the grandkids someday or something.

I know that by waving at a stranger, I wasn't asking him to follow me to my destination. I wasn't asking for anything more than a simple smile. But Wisconsin man ruined something for me that day -- he ruined my tentative sense of safety among strangers. Though I don't expect most people would follow his example, I won't be waving at strangers again. Even if they're from Wisconsin.  

stranger danger & the creepiest thing that's ever happened to me, part 1

As a young woman on her own in a new city, the most common safety advice I receive is a lightly veiled version of don't talk to strangers. 

Am I five years old?

As it turns out, "keeping to yourself" is difficult when you move to a place where you know no one. In fact, it seems to be the easiest way to ensure 1) a closed mind, 2) no friends and 3) a fun bout with depression.

Plus, it can be patronizing to tell me or any other woman to please be careful and don't talk to people you don't know, especially men. I'm a grown-ass woman. Can't I take care of myself? Don't I have common sense? If I do meet strangers, am I asking for trouble? Would you say the same if I had boy parts? Stop.

Sorry for the feminist rant but not really.

A summary of 6 months' worth of my LA stranger situations
-- Subletting an apartment without meeting the roommate or seeing the place. Granted, this one ended up being a bit sketchy at the end, but I escaped with all major organs intact.
-- Contacting a handful of strangers on Craigslist to purchase their castoff furniture
-- Entering said strangers' homes to pick up the items, alone
-- Multiple meetups with message board friends
-- Inviting said internet friends over to my apartment
-- Spending four nights on the floor of a friend-of-a-friend's apartment
-- Entering a woman's home to vet a potential Air B+B rental for my mama -- after messaging with her for 15 minutes and without knowing her last name or exact address beforehand
-- Wiring $10,000 to a West African prince who promised to pay me back with interest once he received his inheritance in a month (...this one's BS. Who does that? Does that really work?)

...and I'm still alive and kickin'. There are ways to safely experience the above (granted, stupid-sounding) things. I'm more likely to be killed in my sleep by my roommate than by someone selling their couch on Craigslist. I hope Lester's not reading this.

In fact, the creepiest thing that has happened to me since moving to LA ended up being.....AN ENCOUNTER WITH A FELLOW WISCONSIN GRADUATE.

I was shocked too. And I think I'm finally ready to tell the story.

CA point/counterpoint

stupid shit i've googled

Whenever I am faced with an issue I just don't know how to solve, I turn to my most trusted advisor: Google. Here are some of my most embarrassing and telling recent Google searches.

GOOGLE KNOWS EVERYTHING/MY CAT HATES ME

• how are oven racks supposed to go in the oven
• firefox is running super slow
• does my cat have fleas
• removing fleas from cat
• what do flea bites look like
• echo park gangs
• buy coin wrappers
• is today a mail holiday
• how many americans are chain smokers
• getting something notarized
• los angeles pay parking tickets
• film industry jobs los angeles CA
  
  

CELEBRITY FACT FINDER

• tom cruise on oprah
• gwen stefani sons dyed hair
• the nightstalker
• olivia wilde silverlake
• jon benet ramsey
• oj simpson

SECRET INTERNET FATTY

• pizza hut coupon codes
• how much to tip delivery drivers
• one cup butter how many sticks
• freezing cookie dough
• how to steam milk for a latte
• pie recipes
• how do you pronounce pho
• how do you know when chicken goes bad
• food trucks los angeles

JUST PLAIN HUMILIATING

• wide ribcage 
• meals for one
• what is molly the drug
• making friends on meetup.com

...and now I will go bake a pie with a recipe I found NOT on google...but on Allrecipes.com

things that are making me happy this week

Taking a cue from my favorite podcast, here's a list of things that are making me happy this week. 

+ Parks and Recreation. It's the best show on TV and season 3 had it goin' onnn.
+ I'm finally going to see BRIDESMAIDS with Lorena tonight
+ Working on a screenplay idea with my coworker that's getting me excited
+ I'm feeling creative and motivated for the first time in weeks? Months?
+ Great music recommendations from Sarah (Wye Oak, Braids, Warpaint? Love 'em all)
+ Caramel lattes. Probably too many of them.
+ Lots of delicious food this week—tacos, pho, burgers and pie....
+ Phone dates with friends and family from home
+ I THINK I'M RID OF THE FLEAS?!

friday

New glasses (badly needed after wearing a $12 headache-inducing pair for 3 years) from this amazing shop

"Flowers to brighten my weekend" from one pretty adorable boyfriend (who can't keep a secret) 
I'm taking notes.

ode to my mama

Mother's Day this year corresponds with the period in my life when I need my mom the most -- and when I'm farthest away from her.

For so many reasons, my mom is the most inspirational person in my life. As long as I can remember, "My mom" has been the answer automatically penciled in on school questionnaires for "Your Hero," or "Person You Look Up To." She's an amazing and strong woman who tackles adversity head-on, and teaches me to do the same.

My mom gives of herself selflessly. She always stands up for what's right, and counsels her children to be the bigger person (advice I should, but don't always, take). She's also a built-in best friend who knows me better than I know myself. Whenever I need that reality check, I push the first entry in my iPhone "favorites" list.

My mom plays the role of "second mom" to more people than I can count on both hands. When I was younger, I was known for throwing epic tantrums whenever my mom held or paid attention to another child. These days I can realize that my mom is so special that it would be selfish to keep her all to myself. That's why she gets 50 birthday presents and funny handmade cards from her co-workers every time July 22 rolls around. It's why she's always booked for lunch dates and why we can't go anywhere in my hometown without someone stopping us to chat. She means a lot to a LOT of people.

Most importantly, my mom is always there when I need her. I can always call her -- even if it's past her bedtime (I know I woke her up when I'm greeted by a sleepy "What do you want?") or if I'm crying too hard to even say "Hello." My mom always knows how I feel and is ready with the advice I need to hear. And she can give it for hours straight. She's my very own personal therapist!

These are just a few of the reasons why I love my mom (I could fill a book), and why the 2000-mile distance between us feels like so much more. I can only hope that someday I'll be as wonderful a person as she is today.

and on the bright side...

+ I'm driving like an Angeleno...
+ ...and not getting lost as much anymore
+ Scored a half-price exterminator visit and free follow-up visit
+ I have a new regular library hangout and checked out my first book (Dispatches)
+ I'm doing work in a coffee shop with a forest room
+ I had my first fish taco at Best Fish Taco in Ensanada -- it was really good but I LOVED their shrimp taco. And I tried horchata, which was delicious. Two tacos + horchata was something like $5.50? Consider me a regular.
+ My job. I love it more every day, and the flexibility it allows me has been a lifesaver.
+ Received a chocolate frog in the mail from Nick and a care package from mama
+ Wisconsin friends are moving to LA in June! I think the count is at four people, including my best friend and her husband.

+ Started watching Doctor Who so I can relate to said best friend on a different level.
+ There are a few tentative friend visits on the horizon (Corey/Karly, Thy, Sarah...get out here!)
+ My LA big brother Spencer
+ The existence of yelp in general. I really need to sign up for an account so I can keep track of all the awesome finds I've experienced due to obsessively searching

growing pains

I've experienced many highs and lows since moving to Los Angeles in December -- and if I'm being honest with myself, mostly lows.

It's difficult to remember when I was last truly happy and it's even harder to imagine a future here. I don't have a full time job, I have very few friends in the area, my boyfriend is thousands of miles away, and various family members keep hinting (subtly and not-so) that I should move home.

I definitely am not ready to "give up" on my stint here, but I think I need to re-evaluate exactly what it is that makes me happy and figure out ways to get there. Because what I'm doing isn't working.

It's interesting how a person can go from being blissful to miserable in 6 months. Or really, in just one day.

i've discovered the holy grail of inducing cat anger

Henry has fleas.

I guess the universe reads my blog and knew I was wondering about the BEST WAY TO TORTURE A CAT. It delivered.

Yesterday I discovered a couple of mystery bugs crawling around Henry's face. Yep. Fuckin' fleas. On an indoor cat. My life.

I started Henry's de-flea regimen by furminating him within an inch of his life (okay, he purred the whole time—that cat loves him some furminator!) to get rid of eggs and detritus. I ordered some Frontline & flea spray on amazon, then gave him a bath with dishsoap (so the fleas would stand out in his fur).

I then TWEEZED the FLEAS from Henry's body, ONE by ONE, using my expensive-ass TWEEZERMAN. If that's not love, I don't know what is. Henry assumed I was trying to slowly kill him, and turned on me. Luckily he's too gentle to scratch or bite. Any wilder cat would have made me into a hunk of meat.

This morning I woke up and the fleas had MULTIPLIED. By a lot. I drove over to Glendale Petco, picked up a flea comb and flea spray, drove home and set to work.

Step one, spray cat and rub flea spray into skin. Theoretically this will kill fleas on contact. Step two, de-flea with comb and tweezer. Again, ONE by ONE. Step three, give another bath. Step four, de-flea AGAIN with comb and tweezer. By the end, Henry was shaking and crying...and so was I.

Tomorrow comes the Frontline, and I could not be more excited.

Friday stress levels

Henry 10/10

Katie 10/10

home again

and now, homesick again.

 

how to enrage and demoralize your cat in one short weekend

Moving your cat from Wisconsin to California? Three simple steps to a mental breakdown and a cat who hates your stinkin' guts.

1/FRIDAY Pill + 3 hour car ride 

I bought herbal sedatives for Henry in hopes they would ease his anxiety during a 2000 mile cross-country move. I decided to test them out on the car ride from Madison to Menomonie.

I should have realized forcing a pill down Henry's kitty throat would have made him the opposite of calm.

Throughout the entire weekend, the pill administration was the closest Henry came to clawing the crap out of me, which is saying a lot for my harmless little guy. I decided it would be wise to nix the pill before our flight the next day.

Friday stress levels
Henry 7/10
Katie 5/10

2/SATURDAY Airport security + 4 hour flight + relocation

I was so nervous about taking Henry through airport security that I literally worried myself into a panic. The mere idea of taking this 16 pound cat out of his carrier in front of a line of impatient travelers, WALKING him through security and then wrangling him back into his carrier was enough to reconsider the trip.

Surprisingly, Henry was an air-travel-champ. When we went through security, he went into an "I'm a terrified catlump" deadweight mode, though he did start howling as I retrieved his carrier from the conveyor belt. He was pretty good on the plane, only trying to escape the carrier twice.

Saturday stress levels

Henry 7/10

Katie 9/10

3/SUNDAY Bathtime

After all this traveling there was no getting around it—Henry was in dire need of a bath, especially after I discovered mystery gunk on his fur when I woke up this morning.

Cats are notorious water-haters, and Henry is no different (unless you count toilet water...in which case HE'S IN, BRO!). As soon as I set him down into the water, he started a series of pathetic mewls. Sadly for him, there was no escaping. Four years of cat ownership means I'm a bath-giving pro.

As I type, poor Henry sits grooming himself obsessively and rueing the day I adopted him. He'll come around.

Saturday stress levels

Henry 8/10

Katie 3/10

FINAL WEEKEND STRESS TALLY:

Henry 22

Katie 17

internet meetups

This is what meeting people from the internet looks like! We went to an interesting bar downtown, ate Demon Burgers, drank overpriced cocktails and chatted in a dark corner.

march not-so-madness

New apartment on top of the hill


















Mongolian BBQ with Lorena. I learned there's a lot of skill involved in stacking your bowl. Not a drug reference.

Awesome boyfriend sends Cadbury cream eggs in the mail (and oh here's my new coffee table). God I'm boring.

YOUNGWOOD COURT

Between my Echo Park home and the LA Farmers' Market exists a very special place. A place where a bit of magic exists among the mundane. A place you can't help but gawk at as you drive by on busy 3rd Street. A place that embodies everything that is wacky and wonderful about this behemoth of a city.

(via Apartment Therapy)

(via LAist)

This place of beauty is called Youngwood Court. It features somewhere between 10-20 replicas of Michelangelo's statue of David, a huge white wrought iron gate, and a variety of delightfully tacky Christmas decorations that vary by the year.

After months of driving by what I simply assumed to be an amusing spectacle, I got to Googling and found out the storied history of what must be the best house in Los Angeles.

According to Atlas Obscura,

"The street-side private residence, known as 'Youngwood Court,' has been the subject of many lawsuits, traffic jams, and heated debates on aesthetic preference. [R+B producer Norwood] Young purchased the home in the mid-1990s and—much to the chagrin of the local homeowner's association -- painted it white, erected an elaborate white iron gate, and set up 19 white statues of Michelangelo's David. For over a decade, Young faced—and filed—numerous lawsuits against neighbors and city officials who sought to tear down his aesthetic vision. Today, Young has finally ended his long legal battle and continues to exercise his yard-decorating rights, earning LA City Beat magazine's title as the 'King of Hancock Park.'

Though the David statues are the main attraction, Young adds to the spectacle by decorating his yard in thematic designs. This past year, Young celebrated his birthday with a tribute to the other 'King,' Michael Jackson. Each David statue was fitted in a Thriller-esque jacket, and a 7-foot replica of MJ's famous sequined glove was put on display.

For his annual winter holiday tradition, Young dresses his Davids in Santa Claus hats and displays an African-American Mr. and Mrs. Claus on a gold throne. Not to be outdone by the Claus', however, the holiday scene also includes a larger-than-life replica of Young himself, as well as a gigantic lights display of a crown and "Norrywood" sign on his roof." 

The opposition is tacky and I hate them:

"'It is like spitting in somebody's eye,' said Marguerite Byrne, a member of the Hancock Park Homeowners Assn.'s board of directors. 'It is individualism run amok.'"

Here's a video from Mr. Young's youtube account. Enjoy. 

It's people like Norwood Young who make Los Angeles, and the world, a more interesting place to live.  I know where I'll be next December 2011.

times are a'changin

My living situation has taken a complete turn in the last two weeks. It's a long and twisted tale, but to sum up:

• Even after we were told things had been taken care of, my sublet's power was turned off because of the former leaseholder's $2100 outstanding bill.
• I crashed with my friend Spencer for five days. Pretty sure he's a saint.
• Found a craigslist Echo Park apartment listing on a Wednesday, toured it on Thursday, was able to move in with my friend/former Badger Herald co-worker Lester on Friday.
• Still not sure if I'm getting my $700 security deposit back from the aforementioned sublet...really cool.
• Liking the new place, minus the moped-gang-members who live upstairs and store their mopeds outside my bedroom window. Revving motors next to my head: not okay.
• Lester and I located, visited and purchased both a highly-discounted couch and nice mid-century modern coffee table yesterday. Our journey involved renting a U-Haul and trekking to strangers' homes in Silverlake and Santa Monica.

Whew.

care package

Nothing puts a smile on my face quite like a care package from my mama. Especially when it includes all the best things from my little hometown: Acoustic Cafe coffee mugs, Legacy Chocolates coffee beans and 99% cacao truffles.

LA's little pleasures

UNIQUELY LA: Some of the city's little pleasures (?)

• The thrill of driving the freeways after rush hour
• Zoning out on the 10 during rush hour
• Driving time—not driving distance
• Encountering people working on and discussing film industry projects at every coffee shop
• Trader Joe's must only hire aspiring actors or screenwriters
• Chihuahuas everywhere...a virus, if you ask me.
• Living three blocks from a medical marijuana dispensary
• The pink-velour-jumpsuit-wearing old lady who diligently feeds the stray cats in our back alley
• Being woken every weekend morning (and some weekday mornings) by the next door neighbors BLASTING salsa music. Always before 9 am.
• Cheap avocados
• Food trucks
• Navigating the terrifyingly steep hills of Silverlake/Echo Park by car
• The sweet realization that I finally have a basic grasp on downtown geography after successfully finding my way home despite off-ramp closures on my usual route
• 50 degrees in Wisconsin? Break out the shorts! 50 degrees in LA? Plug in the space heater. (I thought this would never happen to me.......took about a month).
• Discovering a new advertisement for car insurance on my windshield every morning
  
  

Apologies for all the iPhone photos. I'll work on it.

now that i'm no longer bedridden...

The Park: Brunch with a new friend. Strawberry brioche french toast, bacon and french press coffee. I'm definitely one of those annoying people who takes photos of their food to post online. My bad?

This amazing Louis Vuitton car that belongs to my neighbor is apparently famous around Los Angeles, according to a quick Google Image search.

yet another craigslist victory

Today I bought this barely-used IKEA armchair for $30.

I love you, Craigslist. I love you so much.

c'mon beverly hills: at least TRY to defy stereotypes!

Heard: A radio commercial advising men to give their wives the gift of plastic surgery on Valentine's Day—because unlike chocolate and roses, an improved body "lasts a lifetime."

numbers

A few illuminating (??) numbers

1,993 miles from "home"
94 minutes spent on the phone today
2 suspected cavities
0 area dentists who accept my insurance
13.1 miles from apartment to internship
30-45 driving time, in minutes
5 groups joined on Meetup.com
5 area coffee shops frequented
0 resumes sent out this week
2 things baked in new oven
140 paid to city in parking tickets 
2 total visits to In-N-Out Burger (unacceptably low)

interrupting radio silence

A few choice pieces of my Los Angeles experience so far.

LA MILL: A vanilla latte and brioche doughnut holes with Madagascar vanilla cream. A bit overpriced, definitely a scene, but for a classier version of Dunn County fair doughnuts...sign me up.

LACMA: I was delighted to unexpectedly run into Michael Jackson and Bubbles; but less excited about a piece of art consisting of three basketballs floating in a rectangular fishtank.

The Getty: The only museum with a view completely worth the $15 parking fee. It feels like a gorgeous, floating compound and I could have lounged on the lawn all day.